As I'm driving about and finishing my grand tour of the peninsula, I've been thinking about this here blog, and all the things I've created it to say. I've said virtually none of it yet, because of the overweening aspect of it all.
Throw my thoughts upon the void impassive.. Strew my pearls..
It needs to be said well, if at all.
So far I've been coy. I've been amusing myself that way, but also unsure of how - or even whether - to begin being explicit. I want to start gently, and give my testimony in a way that the dozen or so people that I want to hear it (and if they are so moved, respond somehow to it) to hear it well.
Today, I realized that I feel ready to start saying it. No time like the present, no moment like now. So I will say what I've been holding to my heart all these years.. The secret work of my heart all this time, that has made my live the seared blessing that it has become.
First, I need to explain a few terms. If you notice, I've been tagging my posts here. I want to explain what I mean by a few of them, so that if you care to follow this blog and really understand what I am trying to say, you will.
This afternoon I was listening to NPR and Neil Conan was interviewing this fellow about "apocalyptic" movies. They were joking that the segment had nothing to do with the previous ones in which we learnt that London is burning, world markets collapsing, tanks are rolling the streets of Damascus, and the recession deepening. They rattled on for a while, and talked about a bunch of movies in which the human race is almost or entirely annihilated by one thing or another, usually some combination of our own hubris and stupidity or alien invasion or natural holocaust.
As listened I realized that they weren't going to talk about the origins of the term, about what the word "apocalypse" means. Let me do it for you here. This the etymology my dictionary gives the word:
ORIGIN Old English, via Old French andecclesiastical Latin from Greek apokalupsis, from apokaluptein ‘uncover, reveal,’ from apo- ‘un-’+ kaluptein ‘to cover.’
This word entered our lexicon by way of the Bible, of course. It is used as a title of the last book of the New Testament, which is (if you did not know) written in Greek. That book is the account of a prophetic dream attributed to the Apostle (Greek for "messenger") John, the only one of the 14 apostles (I include Judas, Matthais and Paul) to die a natural death. Judas killed himself, and all the others were all martyred (Greek "to witness") for their faith in Christ.
John, not incidentally, is the only one of the twelve who did not run away from the Crucifixion, and remained at the foot of the Cross.
Wikipedia says that the name John derives via Latin Iōhannēs and Greek Ἰωάννης from the Hebrew name יוחנן (Yôḥanan, also transliterated Yochanan), a short form of the long name יְהוֹחָנָן Yehochanan, meaning "Yaweh is merciful".
Now, why am I telling you all this? If you notice, I've tagged a lot of the posts here with that word, apocalypse. And when I do it, I am usually not (usually most often emphatically not) referring you to the end of the world, or to tribulations like those that Neil Conan and his guest were calling "apocalyptic" in those films. Like I say, not normally..
Instead, what I mean is that I think that whatever I am writing about is revelation of the hidden truth, the true nature of things, of veiled unappreciated goodness, veiled (often widely accepted) evil. The way we, and things, truly are. The beauty deep down things, or else the tricks that wicked bastards are doing in the shadows.. Things that people aren't noticing or being honest about, the subtle things that admit transcendence, the wickedness that we do to benefit ourselves and that harms others.
You know, all that which is "occult" (from Latin occultare ‘secrete,’ frequentative of occulere‘conceal,’ based on celare ‘to hide’; the adjective and noun from occult- ‘covered over,’ from the verb occulere ).
Those things "seen through the glass darkly.."
These things are not usually "occult" in the sensational sense. But evil things are always in the end diabolical, and the most evil people ultimately become satanic, in that they consciously revolt against the good and begin to worship their own wills which are evil. And that is inevitably demonic and then spiritually uncouth in all the ways that people normally think "occult."
When I use "occult" as a tag on this here blog, I mean that I'm usually talking about something malevolent or diseased that is disguised, subtle or hidden. Or, something beautiful that is gentle and unappreciated.
Which brings me to the issue of knowledge. Gnosis, science, wisdom. Love.
Knowledge of good and evil.
Which is of course tantamount with knowing the truth. The truth that shall set us free.
My ultimate message here, the thing that I want finally to tell you, is that that truth exists.
Because what is is true, and that is inescapable.
We can either accept truth, witness and worship it, or else reject it and lie. We either see that we serve the truth, and are subject to it, or else seek to escape it and deny it.
If we acknowledge our dependence upon the truth, our need for it.. If we see that we cannot control the truth or destroy it..
And that the truth will necessarily humiliate us, make us see ourselves and others as we really are..
That the truth is not in the end of the intellect, but rather of the heart..
That the truth, like everything good and real, is personal.. is indeed, a person.
This is my faith. My testimony. My heart knows it is so.
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